Moss--we'll grow on ya!: March 2011

5 Boys

by Rebekah 2-8-11

Bustling, busy boys

School morning in progress

Unlike school in other places

Boys designing paper airplanes

Discussing which is stronger

Making up games

Loud big boys and loud little boys

What is missing?

Today we are reminded

Helping a friend

Watching a baby--

A baby born just a few weeks after mine

A baby who grunts and squeals

A baby boy, crawling

"Pick up those little things

"Here comes the baby"

Mom reminds

Four boy faces--11, 9, 6, 3

All surrounding this sweet boy

Anxious to get a smile

Seeking opportunities to give a kiss

Little hands upon my knees

As he practice-walks along the couch

Eyes look up, asking for a lift

Drool on my shirt

Baby fingernails scratching my neck

Exploring and examining my necklace--

my "Toby turtle" necklace

Hungry baby fed a bottle in my arms

Desperate to see all the big-boy action

Of course

"Mama, he spits!" Isaac reports

A dirty towel is found to wipe it up

A reminder

A little tender and swollen

But sweet just the same

5 boys

(look close and you can see the sweet, white number #5 jen sewed on Toby's hoodie)

Mom asked the boys:

What does Toby want for his birthday?

Isaac said, "Candy . . . gum candies."

Gabriel said, "To watch a movie . . . like Star Wars I . . . with caramel popcorn while we watch it . . . oh, and mamma to love."

Adam said, "Us to help one another. To help mom."

Eli said, "Toby wants us to not be sad that he's gone, but to be happy. Not to be happy that he's gone, but that he has a work to do that he couldn't do if he was with us."

Adam asked me what I thought Toby wanted:

I believe that Toby wants the peace and joy of seeing his family working hard to choose the right, so we can be an eternal family, with him!

As I was pondering Toby's first birthday, I came across this photo of our family in front of the Salt Lake Temple, and tears came to my eyes as I felt the full significance of our family sitting in front of that temple--the same temple we were married in, over 12 years earlier. Toby had left his body behind just a couple of weeks before that photo was taken. Our family was hurting, but whole.

We still hurt sometimes, but we are whole.

We feel so blessed to have the knowledge of eternal families, and the opportunity to be a part of one!

Toby's turtle:

At Toby's funeral David's sweet cousin gave me a necklace with his name on it. I loved having a physical reminder of Toby with me. I decided that I would be on the search of something "special" to put on a chain to remind me of him. I happened across this cute little turtle one day and instantly thought of cute little Toby's turtle. I bought it, and now turtles have become one symbol of Toby.

For Toby's first birthday I decided to use that symbol to help my boys understand that Toby is near. I placed toy turtles in different spots around the house for them to find. With each turtle was a message from Toby:

#1--School Room turtle:

Singing songs, learning poems, worlds to know and be created.

I watch you try, and with each bean you earn, I am elated!

(the boys earn beans for scholastic accomplishments--these go toward a family reward)

#2--Outside by the trampoline:

When Outside, playing ball or on the trampoline

Feel me laugh beside you, though I am unseen

#3--Living Room:

Scripture time, morning prayers, and each great big family hug

I join in with you, now and then. I'm near you on the rug.

#4--New turtle nightlight in the bedroom:

I can be near you any time, though I'm out of sight

My warm presence can be felt, like light that shines in night.

Toby's Love:

Rebekah 3-19-11

Toby is a busy man.

His days are full, like ours,

But he is ready to help out,

And can at any hour.

He knows each individual:

Brother, father, mother

And is filled with the same love

That we have for each other.

When we are laughing, happy,

Really full of bliss--

Toby jumps at the chance

To share moments like this.

When days are so frustrating

And you feel you may submit,

He longs to help, to let you lean

On his strength for a bit.

He knows our Savior and he longs

For us to feel and know

The hope, peace, love and joy

That Jesus Christ will show.

We would love to have had Toby

With us longer here on earth,

But know his role in our family

Carries on much past his birth.

We thank our Heavenly Father

For this special angel-friend.

Like us, Toby awaits the time

He'll be in our arms again.

Happy 1st Birthday Toby!

What?! Adam is turning 10?
I know it is crazy, but . . .it's true!

I have decided that 10 feels like the end of little-boyhood, so I am going to celebrate (mourn) each boy's 10th birthday by reflecting upon his "childhood" (I started this on Eli's 10th birthday April 2009)

I want to include many of Adam's zany, funny, clever little comments--made throughout his life, which I have diligently kept in his own special journal, and which we have read over each year on his birthdays in the past, but . . .I CAN'T FIND THE JOURNAL--keep it in your prayers (it's killing me!).

Therefore, this relfection will have a different feel to it than it otherwise would, but maybe that's not so bad--I'll make his photo book much lighter--after I find the journal!

Presenting: Adam Von Moss

a.k.a. "Adomius Supremius", "A.V.", or "Sweet-and-sour-sauce" Moss

Rebekah's journal, November 4, 2000:

It was wonderful for me to be able to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. I cannot put into words the spirit of joy and excitement that filled me when I heard the proof of the life growing inside of me. As I drove home from the doctor's office, I couldn't keep from crying out of love for this new baby. I was grateful to my Father in Heaven for allowing me to be a part of bringing his spirit children into the world.

November 19, 2000:
It was a beautiful blessing, but as I heard the words David spoke concerning the strength and support I have around me, I knew that the test results would show a problem. He spoke not only of family and friends on earth, but made reference to spirits on the other side who would strengthen me. He got choked up as he became more specific. He said that one who was there and supporting me all the way was the spirit of the baby I am carrying right now. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of that spirit in particular, knowing that I am to be his mother. David said that this individual was happy to know he was coming to a home where he would be taught the gospel and be raised by a father and mother who love their Heavenly Father. . .I was especially comforted because I felt that this baby would be okay . . .

January 29, 2001:

I still really think that I am having a boy. David and I have narrowed the names down to Adam or Isaac. I lean a little more toward Adam and David a little more toward Isaac. I thnk this one will be Adam, but that we will be using Isaac down the road, because I like it, too.

March 11, 2001, writing about Adam's birth:

Before I knew it, Adam was laying on my stomach. Tears came to my eyes as I looked at this new little member of our family. I was so glad he was here and appeared to be so perfect. He weighed 7 lbs 9oz. and was 20 inches long.

That night I got up with Adam a few times, to feed him. I was glad to be alone with him. I just watched his face and touched his little body as I fed him. I really fell in love with him that night.

May 13, 2001:

David blessed Adam to have a special bond of friendship with Eli; to have a healthy body and mind; to serve a mission; marry in the temple; and to be understanding of his parents as they raise him. I was particularly touched by the first part, which mentioned a friendship between Eli and Adam. I am sure that there will be times when such a friendship may not be as apparent, but Iam certain that they will be close and grow to really appreciate having one another. That is just so neat for me to think about--I am not just having children, I am giving these spirits earthly brothers and sisters.

July 27, 2001:

Adam is a sweet little guy still. He is a bit picky, liking to be held up and facing out whenever he is awake. He already weighs 17.5 pounds (4 months). He is just the most smiley baby, when he is happy. He is often found in his crib, in the morning, with his feet in the air, his hands grabbing at whatever, and bubbles spitting out of his mouth, or cooing loudly. He is also rather ticklish and will laugh the most adorable laugh!

August 29, 2001:

Radiation treatments are done!

It has been a long year and yet, from hindsight, it seems to have gone by fairly quickly. Of course, the greatest moment in it all was March 11, when Adam Von entered our family--for him and his existance, I would do it all again, but thank heavens, I don't have to! :)

December 9, 2001:

David gets such a kick out of the boys and their complete adoration of him. If Adam is awake when David walks in the door, his face just beams and he does all he can to let David know he wants him to hold him (since he can't crawl to him yet this means grunting and slamming his hands down). If David walks in the opposite direction of Adam for even one second, out comes an enormously dejected cry that lasts until he is in Daddy's arms.

January 10, 2002:

Adam's first tooth finally broke through, AND he crawled for the first time. He must have known that if he waited even one day longer he would be 10 months old, and that is just too long to wait for either of those accomplishments! :)

October 20, 2002:

I am so glad that Eli has Adam, and that we have Adam. Though Eli can be tough for Adam sometimes, I also already see what a wonderful thing it is for them to have each other to play with and laugh with. Nothing makes Eli happier than when he gets Adam to laugh, and nothing makes Adam happier than laughin with Eli!

December 8, 2002,

After starting treatments again:

Adam is easily loved and has fallen in love with his Grandma Moss. He loves to sit with her and sing with her.

I worried that Adam would have nothing to do with me after my hair was gone. But he has been okay. For the first day he would point at me and with dramatically open mouth, say, "Ahh!" He wasn't afraid, he had found a new game (every time he did it someone would laugh).

Eli reminded me of this from Adam's childhood:

Eli did something to make Adam upset and Adam said, "You're just a jerk!" I had never heard Adam say that before and so I asked him if he knew what it meant.

Adam replied, with mischeivious grin, "It means, 'I love you, Eli.'"

May 17, 2004, mom is pregnant with child #3:

Adam was pretty excited when he heard the heart beat. Since he comes to all my Doctor appointments, he was very aware of what it was, and when he heard it he announced to us all, "That's my baby's heartbeat!"

June 1, 2004:

Adam loves to talk about being a big brother. He often says hello to the baby and gives me kisses asking, "Does the baby like kisses?" It will be so fun to see him with this baby.

August 11, 2005:

I look at my Adam, who just cracks me up, and loves it. I wonder if he will ever decide to stop telling me every morning that he loves me and thinks I am pretty.

I live for his cute compliments and goofy faces.

He is getting so long and thin. I love to pick him up and hug him because he is still not too heavy, but he has those long arms and legs that just wrap around my body, and I feel so engulfed in little boy--I don't know many things that feel better than that!