5 Boys by Rebekah 2-8-11
Bustling, busy boys
School morning in progress
Unlike school in other places
Boys designing paper airplanes
Discussing which is stronger
Making up games
Loud big boys and loud little boys
What is missing?
Today we are reminded
Helping a friend
Watching a baby--
A baby born just a few weeks after mine
A baby who grunts and squeals
A baby boy, crawling
"Pick up those little things
"Here comes the baby"
Mom reminds
Four boy faces--11, 9, 6, 3
All surrounding this sweet boy
Anxious to get a smile
Seeking opportunities to give a kiss
Little hands upon my knees
As he practice-walks along the couch
Eyes look up, asking for a lift
Drool on my shirt
Baby fingernails scratching my neck
Exploring and examining my necklace--
my "Toby turtle" necklace
Hungry baby fed a bottle in my arms
Desperate to see all the big-boy action
Of course
"Mama, he spits!" Isaac reports
A dirty towel is found to wipe it up
A reminder
A little tender and swollen
But sweet just the same
5 boys
(look close and you can see the sweet, white number #5 jen sewed on Toby's hoodie)Mom asked the boys:
What does Toby want for his birthday?
Isaac said, "Candy . . . gum candies."Gabriel said, "To watch a movie . . . like Star Wars I . . . with caramel popcorn while we watch it . . . oh, and mamma to love."
Adam said, "Us to help one another. To help mom."
Eli said, "Toby wants us to not be sad that he's gone, but to be happy. Not to be happy that he's gone, but that he has a work to do that he couldn't do if he was with us."
Adam asked me what I thought Toby wanted:
I believe that Toby wants the peace and joy of seeing his family working hard to choose the right, so we can be an eternal family, with him!
As I was pondering Toby's first birthday, I came across this photo of our family in front of the Salt Lake Temple, and tears came to my eyes as I felt the full significance of our family sitting in front of that temple--the same temple we were married in, over 12 years earlier. Toby had left his body behind just a couple of weeks before that photo was taken. Our family was hurting, but whole.
We still hurt sometimes, but we are whole.
We feel so blessed to have the knowledge of eternal families, and the opportunity to be a part of one!
Toby's turtle:
At Toby's funeral David's sweet cousin gave me a necklace with his name on it. I loved having a physical reminder of Toby with me. I decided that I would be on the search of something "special" to put on a chain to remind me of him. I happened across this cute little turtle one day and instantly thought of cute little Toby's turtle. I bought it, and now turtles have become one symbol of Toby.
For Toby's first birthday I decided to use that symbol to help my boys understand that Toby is near. I placed toy turtles in different spots around the house for them to find. With each turtle was a message from Toby:
#1--School Room turtle:
Singing songs, learning poems, worlds to know and be created.
I watch you try, and with each bean you earn, I am elated!
(the boys earn beans for scholastic accomplishments--these go toward a family reward)
#2--Outside by the trampoline:
When Outside, playing ball or on the trampoline
Feel me laugh beside you, though I am unseen
#3--Living Room:
Scripture time, morning prayers, and each great big family hug
I join in with you, now and then. I'm near you on the rug.
#4--New turtle nightlight in the bedroom:
I can be near you any time, though I'm out of sight
My warm presence can be felt, like light that shines in night.
Toby's Love:
Rebekah 3-19-11
Toby is a busy man.
His days are full, like ours,
But he is ready to help out,
And can at any hour.
He knows each individual:
Brother, father, mother
And is filled with the same love
That we have for each other.
When we are laughing, happy,
Really full of bliss--
Toby jumps at the chance
To share moments like this.
When days are so frustrating
And you feel you may submit,
He longs to help, to let you lean
On his strength for a bit.
He knows our Savior and he longs
For us to feel and know
The hope, peace, love and joy
That Jesus Christ will show.
We would love to have had Toby
With us longer here on earth,
But know his role in our family
Carries on much past his birth.
We thank our Heavenly Father
For this special angel-friend.
Like us, Toby awaits the time
He'll be in our arms again.
Happy 1st Birthday Toby!
4 comments:
wow. what a beautiful tribute to tobi. i LOVE the picture of your family by the temple and it's significance.
Wow Becky. That was really moving. Thanks so much for sharing. I was actually overwhelmed by the thought of Toby being with Charlotte and Henry (and Hannah)in that place that we can't fully understand. What a neat idea. Maybe he charged them to carry out some of his hopes and aspirations that if he wasn't needed elsewhere he would have pursued. Whew! We love you guys and especially Toby at this time.
Jake
what a great post! I remember after his funeral posting that i couldn't wait to do some 'whistling and fishing' in heaven with my nephew. it is neat to think that Hannah, Henry, and Charlotte where 'pals' with and had intimate understanding of the families they were apart of. it will be neat to have our future family reunions up there and see just what Toby is all about. obviously he surpassed us all in his stature and only needed a little time here to complete his mortal mission. i for one cant wait to sit in one of his classes!
That is beautiful! You are so strong and amazing! We never did connect with our phone calls...I'll have to try again soon!
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